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When Jealousy Takes The Lead

It's that time of the year when fall racing season begins. If you are a runner, then you I know what I mean. Training ramps up, races overlap each other, the temps start dropping, and we all give one collective sigh of aaaahhhhhhhh

But for me, since my training has been less than stellar, and my tarsal tunnel syndrome has reared it's ugly head, in addition to frustration I've struggled a little with jealousy.

See, just because you used to run X pace, if you have to take an extended time off (like I did.. silly freak dog injury When the Unexpected Happens), you can't expect to just jump back into the game and pick up where you left off. Nor can you think that you can keep up with all of your running friends who haven't taken time off.

And I didn't listen. I tried to come back a little too fast. I was frustrated at how slow it was coming along... and how slow my pace was.. how hard it felt... it was like starting over.. like I'd never run before... and I pushed a little too hard. And my body is yelling at me with plantar fasciitis and tarsal tunnel syndrome. As the temps are cooling off, and the humidity is dropping, I'm popping advil and resting instead of running. But I know there will be other cool mornings....
STOP comparing! 

But what is truly bothering me is jealousy.... and comparison. How old am I going to be before I finally stop allowing myself to be jealous of others. I allow that comparison to steal my joy. How silly that is!!!

And I let the peer pressure suck me back into distance running..
when currently I hate it. I really do. The thoughts of an 8-10 mile run.. oh goodness.. even a 6 mile run at this point is just not something that I truly don't want to do.. but everyone else was doing it... and I jumped in with both feet and signed up for some distance races. When the reality is I truly currently don't enjoy them.... mentally I'm just not into it and physically my body is yelling what are you doing to me?

So, I think it's time that I stopped allowing jealousy and comparison and well... just trying to fit in ... from controlling my decisions.

It feels like every time I think about becoming more active in the local running group, they are all running distance runs or training for distance races. So I feel the pressure to do the same....

But why keep doing something that I don't currently enjoy? Isn't that silly...

And I think that it is.... So I just literally tossed the current training plan out the window.. (ok.. maybe not out the window but I did crumble it up and put it in the trash)

And before anyone thinks I'm not going to keep running or be active, that's not the new plan. The new plan is to do what makes me happy.. which is what I should have been doing way before now.

That means continue to push myself and grow in ways that make me happy. If that means a 3 mile run instead of a 5 mile run, that's what that means. If it means running without any regard to distance or pace that's what that means. If it means biking and then going for a hike that's what that means.

What I personally want to do is get my fitness back! I want running to be enjoyable again, not a task, not a chore, and definitely not something that makes me unhappy.

But I also know that for that to happen I have to stop being jealous! And I have to stop the comparison.

But isn't that pretty much true with anything in life?




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