Will Run For Ice Cream

Yeah... so last week I said that If I Need To Google It, I'm Not Eating It  and that lasted about..... a day... yep... I'd say about 24 hours. Because the reality is, in my life is not all or nothing. Sure, I suppose I could pack us healthier snacks ( and that's an area I'm trying to be more consistent with ), but my reality is sometimes McDonald's happens. Hey just keeping it real. And sometimes so does a sub from a local convenience store or a slice of pizza. And then once I messed up, the all or nothing attitude reared its ugly head! And wow hello to disordered eating. I found myself just eating junk because I felt that I had already blown it for the day. Soooooooo... what now?

Are you a resolutions kind of person? I used to be, but then realized I didn't keep most of them. Or I put too much pressure on myself to try to change too many things at once. If you make resolutions - great - do whatever works for you. But I'd like to add that it doesn't have to be a new year, or a new month, a new week or even a new day to decide to to make a change. For so many years I told myself "I'll start tomorrow... Monday... next week.. whatever excuse ( because for me personally that's what it was ) that I could try to validate. "I'm going to eat the rest of this bag of candy, and once it's gone I'm going to eat healthier." And that my friends is how I started binge eating.

As I unwrapped the Godiva truffle, I trembled a little. I kid you not. The velvety chocolate melted in my mouth. And I honestly thought I would eat just one. I did the first time. But as the day went on, I had another, and another until by the end of the day I wound up binge eating about 8 at one time. I felt horrible physically and emotionally. It was my first binge of all or nothing in almost a month. How could I so easily slip back into old habits? I ate an entire bag. The following days consisted of brownies, cupcakes and cookies. And I felt sick... physically sick. I was bloated, my joints swelled and hurt, cranky, extremely moody with extreme highs and lows. I was no longer sleeping through the night, and by the 3rd night I woke up with night sweats. If you are disappointed in me, trust me I am even more disappointed in myself . And I told myself it was time to get a grip. I'm on my 1st day of no sugar. I don't have a predetermined amount of time that I wi...

For the first time in years, I am eating guilt free. I honestly thought that was something that I would never say. Because truthfully, I never thought that food would cause me to feel guilt. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I have developed disordered eating. (I Lost A Dietbet) And I have decided to do something about it. I'm about half way through with the book Intuitive Eating  (affiliate link). So I still have a lot to learn, and this will definitely be a process.

So, there is this thing called Dietbet. And since the biggest loser challenge had just ended, I thought why not. But real life became.... well... real life ... birthdays, parties, family visiting, lots of eating out, Easter, Easter candy still everywhere... and I slipped back into the "all or nothing" mentality. Meaning? I went over on my calories, oh well, forget it, I've messed up anyway and I ate triple or quadruple the serving size. So, guess what?