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Saying Goodbye To My Obsession With Food

Yeah... so last week I said that If I Need To Google It, I'm Not Eating It and that lasted about..... a day... yep... I'd say about 24 hours. Because the reality is, in my life is not all or nothing. Sure, I suppose I could pack us healthier snacks (and that's an area I'm trying to be more consistent with), but my reality is sometimes McDonald's happens. Hey just keeping it real. And sometimes so does a sub from a local convenience store or a slice of pizza. And then once I messed up, the all or nothing attitude reared its ugly head! And wow hello to disordered eating. I found myself just eating junk because I felt that I had already blown it for the day.

Soooooooo... what now?

Well, let's say that after my binge with processed food, my joints swelled HUGE - to the point that I couldn't bend my fingers. So that right there is an indication that something (or the amount of something) that I am eating is causing issues in my body. But I know myself well enough to know that restricting is not the way for me to go. It's not. Something flipped in my brain several years ago when I was dieting - and I can't seem to totally flip that switch back. It all started with MyFitnessPal. It did. And not the app itself but the idea of trying to stay on track with eating a certain amount of this or that. And when I couldn't do it then I would say forget it and binge. And apparently that's a habit that I'm still not free of.

And honestly I'm tired of this merry-go-round that I'm on when it comes to this issue and I want off. Like, I'm done with repeating these behaviors time and time again. And I seriously considered tracking again, or trying another macros type program. I know that these things work for a lot of people. But, my reality is that I don't think they work for me. And neither does restriction.

So, instead, I'm not eliminating any food groups (at this point until a doctor suggests that I do). And I'm going to work very hard to get back to where food is simply that... food. I read back over this blog and my struggles with food for years, and honestly I'm tired of it. I'm tired of dealing with it, thinking about it, and struggling with it.

I want to get back to where my body eats when it's hungry, stops when it's full, and doesn't spend hours a day worrying about what it should or should not be eating. I don't want to think of food as good or bad anymore. I seriously and truly want to be an intuitive eater.

I read once that people who choose intuitive eating have given up on weight loss. Is that true? I don't think so. Maybe? I don't know. But what I do know is that I am about to be 44 in 4 weeks. And I don't want to be consumed by this battle with food any longer.

It's truly time to set myself free....

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  1. I honestly think that once we start dealing with weight issues, they will always be there to some extent. I know it is still something that I constantly think about.

    But I think you are on the right track - it is so important to remember that a minute is just a minute, a meal is just a meal, and a day is just a day. Don't give up on any of them.

    For me, a key has been what I call 'intentional eating' ... after getting back to my goal weight (again, ugh) after my thyroid quit on me several years ago, I got back to where I will eat *anything* I choose - but I will OWN what I eat. No mindless snacking, no such thing as a 'cheat' - if I want two desserts ... I have them.

    But for me, when I run, my body self-regulates amazingly well - my inclination is to grab fruit or veggies or maybe a few pretzels rather than chips or candy.

    It isn't easy - especially when you throw young kids into the mix! My jump to being a real distance runner happened when the boys hit high school, and now that they are at college I don't have to play the 'Dad Taxi' ... but I have also never had a running injury (in just over 28 years of running) which helps me keep it going.

    Good luck!

    1. Thanks for sharing! And yes, that's where I want to be also with 'intentional eating'. Thanks for the encouragement!

  2. Oh how I feel you! I was you. I was there. I tracked, I logged, I was obsessed with everything I put in my mouth. I wouldn't eat it unless I logged it. And then I would be sure that my calories expended took care of the calories consumed. I'll be 45 this year. It was just before I turned 40 that things took a positive turn for me. A big game changer was reading "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. In one part she writes how God told Moses that he had "circled the mountain long enough, now turn north". 40 years in the wandering in the desert. I had spent 40 years doing the same with this struggle with food. It consumed me. I cried way too many tears. So in that moment I turned north. While I haven't been perfect that last 5 years, I'm been on the right road and I continue on that road. Praying for you today. I know what you're feeling!

  3. AMEN. <3 No more obsessions. No more. <3 I'm so thankful that God has set me free. Jesus has set me free from that paralyzing obsession with food. Some times it still comes back, but I'm thankful to say that it's mostly gone.


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