How I Allowed Fear To Rule My Life

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I took a little break from writing. It wasn't planned. It sort of just happened. I didn't have anything to say. I know shocking right?!?! But I've been dealing with some stuff, and I haven't really been able to work through some of my feelings until lately when I realized that what I've been feeling is FEAR.

Fear is such an ugly word... not one that I really knew had such a big hold on me... but it does. So for the last month or so I've allowed fear to rule my life... to the point that I'm wasn't sleeping because of nightmares.

I'll spare you my long laundry list of fears, but I'll say that my health has been near the top of the list. Because of that, I allowed myself to spiral down a dark path of allowing fear to creep in many what felt like at times most areas of my life.

That being said,
I've climbed out of the pit. Not to say that there isn't still a struggle, I'm just handling it better than the previous month.

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One area of my life that I had also let fear take over was racing - or I should say the lack thereof. I truly developed anxiety when it came to running races.  And I decided it was time to deal with it head on. I signed up for a local race - my PR course race - the best race of my life race for the 5K distance. Knowing that I would be FAR from my PR time, no where near anywhere near my best time....but it was time to get over it and well just do it.

So I did.

I did not hit my A goal of under 28 minutes. I did hit my B goal (barely) of under 29 snagging me the 2nd place in my age group.  I admit that I had a tinge of disappointment of not hitting my first goal, but that was short lived. I ran what I could for that day, and I felt the fear of racing slipping away.

Up next was my virtual 10K with Gixo. This virtual race was still a race as we were all competing with and cheering each other along. It was one of my slowest 10K races to date but also one of my HAPPIEST. I (probably for the first time ever) walked away feeling a sense of ACCOMPLISHMENT instead of nitpicking what I could have done different to have had a better clock time. Even my best races of my life I still had those "oh man if I hadn't walked that hill, or if I'd taken less time at a water stop or this or that".... Never satisfied with what I had just accomplished.

But this race... this race I walked away from happy and content for doing what I could on that given day... Sure I walked some hills. Sure I took longer than needed probably to get water, but the takeaway was that I did it. And I truly walked away smiling instead of feeling defeated.

That my friends is a huge success for me!!!!! And I truly owe a lot of that to Gixo  I really really really love this app.

So although the last month or so has definitely been a challenge, and my social media channels (other than Instagram )have been basically silent....  I'm back :)

Writing is one of my passions, and I'm stepping out there on faith to follow my dream. If you like this blog or this post, please take a moment to share it with friends. Thank you for helping me follow my dream.


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