I told you previously that I was struggling with some things (I Have A Confession To Make About My Weight) so when I saw the race pic from the Rothrock 10K (Recap of the race here) - I really shouldn't have been surprised to see the harsh reality.
But the reality was a little too real if you know what I mean. And it also explains why running and working out is so much harder for me lately (the added weight gain).
So, I decided I had to do something. I felt desperate and I decided that I had to diet. No, I mean I have to cut calories or something. I have to do something. I have to see results and fast.
So, I logged into my old trusty MyFitnessPal. (Now, let me say. Tracking works for thousands of people I'm sure (if not more). I do believe the calories in / calories out can work. So if this method works for you, by all means keep on keeping on. I think the reality is that everyone has to find what works for them. And we are all uniquely different.)
Day 1 went so-soish. Day 2 I was hungry. No really, I was hungry. You could hear my stomach growling. I reached for a peach, but I wouldn't let myself have it.
Or cheese, or an egg or anything that most people would consider 'healthy'. Why? Because it would put me over my calories for the day. I was determined to stay within range.
I ate dinner at 3:30pm because I was so hungry. So yes after I put Lil Man to bed, I was hungry again.. and this time I said forget it and just ate what I wanted... all that I wanted... with no regard to hunger/fullness or anything. I just ate. I was over my calories.. why not?
So I decided the next day to up the calories a bit, try harder, stay focused, where's my will power? What's wrong with me? It's just food for goodness sake... but by the end of the day I was still focusing on a number not my body. And not everything is exact when it comes to calories. Didn't I read somewhere that calories can be up to 25% inaccurate? (http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/how-accurate-are-calorie-counts.html)
And wasn't it tracking that sort of put me into this position? I don't ever remember having the all or nothing attitude until after I started tracking. I would get frustrated that I couldn't stay within range and then it was the 'oh well, I blew it anyway attitude'.
So, why would I want to go back to something that has possibly personally led me to this place in the first place?
And the answer is that I don't. I don't feel that I have given intuitive eating enough time.
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