The mission of Will Run For Ice Cream is to encourage a healthy lifestyle for myself and for my readers by sharing a variety of my personal experiences, real-life stories, workout ideas, along with occasional recipes and relevant product reviews. I am committed to being totally transparent with myself and my readers. #WillRun4IceCream
That Marathon Really Took A Toll On Me Emotionally
I'm in a funk. And I haven't been like this.. well... I don't think ever. When I moved from MS to PA, I got depressed and stopped running. But when I ran in MS, running was very different for me. I met my best friend most mornings out of the week, and we would run/talk. It was great. She was by far the better runner. I cherished our time together, and still do. To this day, I still miss our runs.
When I moved to PA, I lost that. And going from running with your best friend to running solo was a major change for me. So much in fact that I gave up running. I don't remember how long I stopped. I just know that I did (for awhile). And I honestly don't even remember how I started back running again. But I did.
And then I met some people at some races, and starting making some running friends. I ran several 5Ks and then moved up to 10Ks, joined a running group, ran my first half marathon (followed by several more) then ran my first Marathon at 40, and just finished my 2nd just a couple of weeks ago. But the last marathon where I feel that I gave up really did a number on me.
Physically my knee is still a little off. It felt so so during my 1 mile run yesterday, but after a 2 mile power-walk it hurt to walk and bothered me the rest of the day. So I know things aren't exactly the way that they should be.
But mentally, mentally that race, that weekend just really did something to me. I can't even really explain what I'm feeling because truthfully I'm not really sure what I am feeling. I've never felt this way after a race. Disappointment? Well sure.. numerous times of missed goals and should haves / would haves. But never have I felt such despair and disappointment with myself. It's weird. I can't even describe it. I just know that I'm in a funk - a bad funk. One that I don't want to be in.
I think I really had high expectations for myself, and I really feel that I could have met those expectations. But I didn't, and I think that's where my hang up is.
And I think that I need to take a step back and re-evaluate some things within myself.
So other than my #RunningStreak that I started and hope to at least continue until January 1 (side note if the knee allows me), I plan to take a little break from running. I had a 5 mile race on the schedule in December, but right now the thoughts of running more than a couple of miles, and 'training' just makes me feel even more in a funk. So I'm putting that on the back burner at the moment.
My plan? Take an entire week off (other than my #RunningStreak) - no cross training - no cardio - only strength training. Say what?!? Yeah, I know right! I hate strength training. So why would someone who is in a funk do the one thing that she hates doing? I think subconsciously I need to push through something that I don't totally enjoy doing to show myself that I can do it. And I would like to give the knee a little rest, while trying to still burn some calories so I can shed these pounds. And I would really like to be more toned by the end of the year. So I figure for this upcoming week, I plan to do just that and see how I feel then.
How can one race totally destroy all the confidence that I've ever had in myself?