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Using An App To Help Me Stay On Path

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Hello there you blank beautiful screen. It's been awhile. I took a little time last week to just step back, disconnect, and honestly breathe. I felt myself needing a breather and a moment to adjust to going back to work (part-time), Lil Man going to school full time, soccer and running for him, and just daily life. You know what I mean.

My typical morning is starting to consist of some type of early morning workout, rushing home to get lunches made, making sure I'm back in time so hubby can get to work, grabbing a quick shower, getting Lil Man to the bus stop, finally getting breakfast for me, packing my work bag, getting laundry started, cleaning up the kitchen, taking the dogs in and out and in and out...  and if possible I try to get caught up on email/social media before I head into work.

But I'm back and feeling a little more like I have things under control. I think I'm finding

Bib #109


Lots of emotions this week.. I turned 40 on Monday. The day was actually more difficult than I thought it would be.

Last night I looked at the registration information, and I'm officially registered. It was really weird to see my name, location and then 40 as the age. This marathon will be my first race at 40. Why not start off this decade with a marathon? :) I'm bib number 109.

I don't feel ready - not mentally or physically. So I have 10 more days to get my head in the right place. Even in writing this post, I wanted to say marathon attempt instead of marathon. Honestly, I'm really afraid I'm going to fail. I've never been one to have a lot of confidence in myself. And right now, I'm still searching to find the confidence in me. I think it's there (somewhere). I just have to dig deeper and find it.

I'm not the typical marathon runner. In fact, I still have a hard time seeing myself as a 'distance' runner. I was just getting my confidence about running longer distances when events seemed to change, and that confidence was truly shaken.

I'm slow. I will never qualify for Boston which is a good thing since that isn't a dream of mine. I don't even think I'm a 'middle of the pack' runner. When it comes to distance, I think I'm more the 'bringing up the rear' kindof girl.

So, why am I doing this? Why last June did I decide to train for a marathon (got injured, got well, and immediately started training again)?  There so many many reasons why. Some too personal to say. But one main reason is 'just because'. I need to do this for me. I need to show myself that I can tackle something such as a marathon, and that I can succeed. I need to see just how strong I really am.

I need to face my fear of failure.




Comments

  1. Happy birthday! Sometimes you just don't need to explain why you do things. Running a marathon is one of those things.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for the birthday wishes. And you're right. I don't really need to explain myself to anyone why I am wanting to do this :)

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